Is George R.R. Martin really S. Morgenstern?

Well no, he isn’t because Morgenstern the “original” author of the Princess Bride is as much a fictional creation of William Goldman, the actual author of the book, as any of the other characters populating it. But consider how Grandpa in the movie describes the book “fencing, fighting, giants, monsters, chases, escapes, true love, miracles…” Doesn’t that sound like Game of Thrones?
I posted the following observation to Facebook earlier, but the notion has taken over my brain and I felt like I needed to expand on it. Warning: spoilers through season three of Game of Thrones.
I’ve long thought Lena Headey on Game of Thrones looked a bit like Robin Wright in the Princess Bride. Good bone structure, long blond tresses, red medieval dresses. The more I think about it the more I see similarities between the two characters. Both Buttercup and Cersi marry dark haired royal dudes whom they don’t love. Both love dashing blond swordsmen instead, whom they continue the relationship with after their marriages. Those swordsman are not strictly law abiding, one is a pirate, the other kills kings. Both pairs of lovers are separated for long periods of time and reunited after trauma to the male —dismemberment and death respectively. And both women are considered the most beautiful woman in the land.
Of course there are some significant differences. Buttercup and Westley aren’t siblings, Buttercup isn’t a stone cold bitch, and their union hopefully wouldn’t produce something as foul as Joffrey. But there are enough parallels that I’m starting to think of Game of Thrones as a twisted AU version of the Princess Bride.
Because I can’t help myself, here is the rest of the roster for this bizarro world mashup.
Hodor is clearly Fezzik.
And Joffrey is Humperdink. Yes, in the above scenario Robert was Humperdinck, but Joffrey’s family tree is already effed up, why not make him his own fake father? He is without a doubt Humperdinck! They’re both self important, slimy, cowardly little weasels and I really want someone to actually inflict To the Pain on the sadistic bastard.
I was going to let Jon Snow be Inigo Montoya since he has the hair and a dead father to avenge, but then I realized Arya is a much better fit. Although, “Hello, my name is Arya Stark. You killed my father…and my mother…and my brother…and his wolf…” Doesn’t have the same ring.
Tywin Lanister is Count Rugen, aka the six fingered man, because he’s evil and clever.
In a world where Buttercup and Westley are incestuous and ruthless, Tyrion, who is a badass, can be Vizzini, who is not but thinks he is. They are both small in stature, decent strategists, and both employ mercenaries. And he would never make the blunder of getting involved in a land war in Asia.
Thorros of Myr is Miracle Max because he can bring people back from the dead.
And Melisandre is Valerie because…well Max once called her a witch.
Maester Pycelle is the Impressive Clergyman. I mean seriously—the same character.
Ned Stark is the Grandpa because he teaches us that life isn’t fair.
Bran Stark is the grandson because he’s grumpy about lying in bed listening to stories.
And finally, because it cracks me up, Daenerys is the old peasant woman who screams at Buttercup that she is ungrateful garbage.
There are way more characters in the Song of Ice and Fire series than there are significant characters in the Princess Bride. Maybe if Goldman publishes the sequel he’s been teasing for the last decade and a half, I’ll find corresponding roles for Sansa, Olenna, Loras, Brienne, Stannis, Theon, Davos, Samwell, Gendry etc
It doesn’t need to be said, but in every world Walder Frey is a Rodent of Unusual Size.
Also, I think this post made spellcheck cry.

One thought on “Is George R.R. Martin really S. Morgenstern?

  1. This post makes me happy.
    I like all of the connections, but there is a better analog for the peasant garbage woman in Cersei’s backstory in the book, but it seems unlikely that she’ll make an appearance in the show.

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